'My dad asked me why I didn't want part of my family's history': family flips out when 27-year-old refuses to share future inheritance with 3 stepsisters, insists they aren't 'real family'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Mar 1, 2025 12:00 PM EST

Inheritance often ends up being a tricky topic to navigate between family members. It is not uncommon for people to start acting entitled and making audacious claims on money or property that others thought were guaranteed to be theirs, for example. Usually, arguments arise because of what individuals believe they are owed, and it can get ugly pretty quickly. Often, it isn't just about the inheritance but the relationships and hang-ups behind it.

However, dividing up somebody's last will and testament isn't always a case of kids and other relatives fighting over who gets what. It might be more uncommon, but some want nothing more than to opt out of being entangled with family affairs in the form of whatever hand-me-downs the older generation wants to give them. As anybody who has dealt with such things will know, it isn't always as easy as being handed what you were bequeathed and walking away.

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    Cheezburger Image 10473926912
    via Andrej Lišakov (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • This is what one woman got in hot water for after she stated that she did not want to be a part of her dad and stepmom's joint will. A recent update to the document stated that she would share an inheritance of two houses and land with her three stepsisters, which she didn't want as she did not get along well with them and was also due to inherit a house from her husband's parents.

    When she told her father this, he protested at her not wanting a part of the family history, but she insisted that she was not close with that side of her family and would not be keeping in contact with them when he was gone. She was on speakerphone, so her stepmom heard this. When this reached her stepsisters, they got upset, and she wondered if she had taken things too far.

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    AITA for telling my stepfamily they are not my real family?

    1/27f have 3 stepsisters-Jen/33, Kate/31 and Anne/30. My dad Chris married their mom Pam when I was nine and adopted them. I have never felt close to that part of the family-they are all extroverts, and I honestly always hated staying with them and the chaos of a full house. I'm more of a homebody and like to be with my circle of people. My parents' custody arrangement was me with my mom all year except summer and alternating school breaks. My dad tried his best, but I never meshed in their live
    via mooniechild2025
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    My dad and Pam recently decided to update their joint will and make Jen their POA. They decided to split everything fourways. My dad owns the house next to what was my grandparents' house, and after they both past, he inherited their home, so its basically two homes on 1/2-ish acre of land. Currently Kate is living in my grandparents' old house with her kids. When he told me that I would get 1/4 ownership of the houses and land, I told him I would rather be bought out so I wouldn't be tied to th
    via mooniechild2025
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    My husband and I are much closer to his parents and are set to inherit his parent's home, and they live in our preferred area. My dad asked me why I didn't want part of my family's history. I told him that after he was gone, my husband and kids would be my only immediate family and I probably wouldn't be maintaining a relationship with them. He tried to comfort me and told me I had Pam and her girls as part of my family. I told him they didn't count because they aren't my real family. I didn't k
    via mooniechild2025
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    Pam got upset and told one of her daughters who told the other two and now they are all upset. They were literally calling and messaging me nonstop so I had to block them and are now posting subliminal messages about me on social media. I have other family members reaching out pressuring me to reconcile with them. My dad is pretty much taking their side and we haven't spoken in a week and a half. My husband is insisting I should keep the peace and just apologize and do what I want later. But I'm
    via mooniechild2025
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    Most commenters felt she had been within her rights to communicate her feelings.

    jajbliss NTA. You are not required to adopt your father's wife and her children as your family however your dad is a massive AH though. He should have had that conversation about his will privately or at least told you that the phone was on speaker.
    via jajbliss
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    Black Whisper While maybe not the AH, OP wasn't particularly smart either. Telling her father she dislikes his daughters is a direct jab aimed to hurt. Saying that she isn't interested in owning another house because she already has one, or because she wants to put that money in a college fund or whatever would have been enough
    via Black_Whisper
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    Ich_bin_keine_Banane Or even just say "Oh thank you, what a nice gesture" while secretly planning to take the money and go NC. OP didn't have to lay out their plans so early in the game. Something like this is obviously going to affect their relationships going forward and she says she was trying to build a relationship with her father. Even if Pam hadn't been in the car, he probably would have told her all about the conversation later.
    via Ich_bin_keine_Banane
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    Slightlysanemomof5 Your father married Pam and her daughters and they became a family and included you. That doesn't mean you signed up to join this family, it also means though in name they are family and that might be all. Your father has an emotional connection to step mom and sisters but that doesn't mean you also have a connection. Though I have trouble believing that no one noticed you really didn't fit into the family and are surprised you are emotionally invested with step mom and sister
    via Slightlysanemomof5
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    Vast-Ant-9699 Why would OP want to own part of 2 homes that the step sisters she is not close 2 are living in? Your feelings on seeing people as family or not is only something you can decide. Does it s k your step mom heard you say it.. yes. NTA unless you knew she was listening and said it on purpose. If you didn't know she was there they can't fault you for your feelings. Your dad got remarried and brought step mom and sisters into your life you had no choice on that. You didn't live with the
    via Vast-Ant-9699
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    your_average_plebian they can't fault you for your feelings. It's been nearly 2 decades of family ties between her and the steps. At this point, they should know how OP feels about them. None of this should be a surprise, unless they didn't give two about her in relation to them. They also have to be a special kind of stupid to expect a relationship when the steps have done presumably nothing in OP's adult life to foster a relationship with her individually instead of through her father.
    via your_average_plebian
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    SalesTaxBlackCat NTA. Your dad and stepmom didn't think this through. Sharing property with stepsisters sounds like h I on earth - you'd be outnumbered in every decision. That's not fair to you.
    via SalesTaxBlackCat
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    Environmental_Art591 Sharing property that would have cost her money and that she cant use because steps are living there. There would never be any discussions or decisions because it will always be "it -x- choice to make because they are the ones living there" OP would be subsidising their lives. OPs dad is TA here before he even "tricked" her into having that phone conversation she thought was private but he knew wasnt
    via Environmental_Art591
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    Outrageous-Ad-9635 Not being told when you're on speaker is a real pet peeve of mine, and your dad's a giant AH for not telling you that. This situation is exactly why those rules of etiquette exist! But you're NTA for speaking your truth. Sure, that truth might have hurt for others to hear, but you didn't intend them to, and they wouldn't have if your father had applied basic etiquette and common courtesy. It's not on you to keep the peace here. You're not the one who acted badly.
    via Outrageous-Ad-9365
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    Appropriate Speech33 NTA. Your dad chose Pam and her kids, but you did not. End of story.
    via Appropriate_Speech33
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    mimianders Your father should have made that convo private just between you two. Not sure why he will leave on the speaker. That's his family and you do not have to consider them family if you do not feel that way. ΝΤΑ
    via mimianders
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    tsukinofaerii To be fair to the father, he probably didn't think this would be an emotionally charged call on his end, just a bit of Parental Guilt vs OP's very reasonable "what good does 1/4 of a house I can use do me". He was driving, so the speaker was inevitable.
    via tsukinofaerii
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    Special_Lychee_6847 He's an a. Get those houses appraised, I'm sure there's also some cash inheritance (so he can either leave one house, or cash) or allow whichever daughter that wants to live in one of those houses to buy by buying out the (step)sisters. It would still be a cheap house, and everyone hets what she wants. This is just indeed a way to pretend to be fair, and wiping your hands clean, while letting the women fight over the estate.
    via Special_Lychee_6847
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    tsukinofaerii He framed it as "family history", so much more likely he expects two of them to have free housing, and then infighting among the grandchildren that he won't have to deal with because he'll be long gone. He's not thinking about things like paying taxes, upkeep or the fairness of giving two out of four "free" housing, just his own convenience.
    via tsukinofaerii
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    Special_Lychee_6847 He's an a. Get those houses appraised, I'm sure there's also some cash inheritance (so he can either leave one house, or cash) or allow whichever daughter that wants to live in one of those houses to buy by buying out the (step)sisters. It would still be a cheap house, and everyone hets what she wants. This is just indeed a way to pretend to be fair, and wiping your hands clean, while letting the women fight over the estate.
    via Special_Lychee_6847
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    quiversend While it s ks Pam heard the unvarnished truth, it is the truth. These people are your dad's family. Not yours. NTA
    via quiversend
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    mumtaz2004 NTA. Just because these people are your step-siblings and step- mother does not mean that you feel in any way close to them or want to continue or foster any kind of relationship with them. Even if they were biologically related, you might feel the same way, quite frankly. Either you do or don't want a relationship with someone- you're an adult and you get to decide that. I get why your dad and step mom are disappointed or hurt but, it is what it is. These aren't your people! You have
    via mumtaz2004
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    Malphas43 NTA, but from what you said here your wording might have come across as more hate-filled or adversarial. The truth is you never connected with them emotionally over the years despite any efforts to do so. The result is that you don't hate them but you don't love them as siblings/family. Am i on the right track here?
    via Malphas43
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    JTBlakeinNYC NTA. It's hardly surprising that you wouldn't bond with a stepmother and stepsiblings with whom you didn't grow up, didn't meet until adolescence, and even then only saw during holidays. The fact that they were all much older teenagers with one foot out the door and zero interest in hanging out with you likely compounded matters. And I doubt your stepmother was very loving or affectionate either.
    via JTBlakeinNYC
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    princessofperky It sounds like you've never been close to them so im surprised they're all having such strong reactions. NTA
    via princessofperky

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